Absolutely sick to my stomach and possibly a slight depressed. This next week is coming quickly and I have to return to work. I am actually crying as I write this. The past 10.5 weeks has been the best. I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. I have learned to function on little sleep, I have learned so much about patience, I have learned about unconditional love, and I have incorporated poop/boob words/stories in my everyday language without even thinking twice. I have transformed completely and fully love my new title as Mom. I have never felt more needed and wanted in my life. Call me selfish but I love when I’m the only one that can calm my baby down. I love when she follows me with her eyes as I cross the room. I love that as soon as she’s in my arms she relaxes and I love how we snuggle up in bed every night together. Starting Wednesday I’ll be spending 12 out of 24 hours away from her.
Daniel and I have chosen to opt for a live in nanny to keep Jecelin as comfortable as possible throughout the day. Knowing she is home will make me feel better but I still feel overwhelmed. It’s my baby. Anyone should feel so blessed to spend the day with her. She’s truly a gift from God and she’s given me a new spin on life.
So here it goes. My second letter to my little baby.
You are 78 days young today! You amaze me more everyday. Your newest trick is rolling over and you are so proud of yourself. You have been talking up a storm, you hold your head up like a superstar, you give open mouth kisses, you’re so ticklish, and you are starting to love massages. You are such a perfect little baby. I have to leave you next week to go back to work. I will not stop thinking about you throughout the day. Mommy has been acting really strong about it all but it’s hitting me that we won’t spend every single day together now. I hope one day you know how hard this is but why I’m doing it. I am already so excited for your future and I am trying my best to ensure you’ll always have what you need. I am sobbing as I write this and as I watch you peacefully sleeping on my lap. Your fur siblings and Madi will take good care of you. The best part of my day each day will be coming home to you. I love Jecelin Connie and I can’t express to you how blessed I am to be your Mommy and watch you grow.