Mommyhood

23 days ago I started the adventures of mommyhood! It has been a very emotional ride so far. 

Photo credit: A Little Love
Photography (7 days new)
The first few days from being released from the hospital were painful. It was hard to sit down, my boobs hurt sooo bad (sore, scabs on my nipples, porn star sized boobs from fullness, and excruciating pain because of latch issues). I wanted to give up on breastfeeding. My boobs were so full of milk that it made it so hard for J to latch and my boobs felt like they had rocks inside of them. I read some mommy blogs and it said to pump to relieve pressure. I did that after stumbling through the directions of setting my pump up and pumped out 6-7 OZ of milk. Yes, I said ounces, not milliliters. I was my very own dairy farm😳. I pumped that much on top of feeding her every 3 hours. I was amazed at my milk production. However, everytime she cried because she was hungry I dreaded it. My toes would curl when she latched and I would hold my breath. I despised breastfeeding. 
A few days after delivery I made a breastfeeding consultation appointment and it truly made all the difference. Our latch improved, my nipples healed in a few days, and it was getting more enjoyable. I encourage all you mommas that plan to breastfeed to see a lactation specialist from the get go. Do not let your nipples get so torn like mine before doing anything. 
Breastfeeding was going much better but I started to feel down. It’s a type of emptiness I can’t really explain. I missed her in my belly; I felt lost. You may think this sounds crazy because baby J was here and that’s what I’ve been waiting for. I had the case of the blues. When J would fall asleep in my arms after feeding, I found myself staring at her crying. I didn’t feel connected to her. It was a strange and hopeless feeling. You know what though? I told my husband and he was so supportive. I felt like all I was to my baby was a giant boob. I am sharing this because it’s important. If you experience the case of the blues, TALK about it before it becomes a serious case of depression. 

 
Photo credit: Candice Macdonnell Photography 

My parents came out 9 days after the baby was born and it helped get me out of my funk. We explored things with the baby, they helped change diapers, let me get some sleep, and all that baby jazz 😎 it was so heartwarming watching them interact with their first grandbaby 😍

   

Photo credit: Candice Macdonnell Photography

As I write this I think how on Thursday my baby will be a month old and it is so bittersweet. I have watched her grow SO much these past 23 days. She has filled out, her personality has developed, and she has learned so much! I have gotten to watch my husband with my baby and it has been the absolute most sincere and precious relationship I’ve ever seen and I can’t wait to watch their relationship grow even fonder.   

Photo credit: Candice Macdonnell Photography 

  

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2 thoughts on “Mommyhood

  1. She is beautiful and you’re doing a good job, momma! The first few weeks are SO hard no matter how you start out, but pretty soon you’ll have a great routine, it won’t hurt when she initially latches, and you’ll even be able to face the hot water in the shower without pain (can you imagine)? And it’s so, so wonderful watching them grow. I’m always here if you need anything! Hang in there. Happy first month, baby J!

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  2. Thanks for sharing! So many people can benefit from reading your story- I remember going through a lot of that with both my kids. PPD is something that gets pushed aside as normal or embracing, but it’s soooo important to talk to someone about it and make sure it doesn’t develop into something worse. ❤️ Thanks for letting me be a part of your lives and meet sweet miss J!

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