Pregnancy

This has been heavy on my heart for a few weeks and I’ve finally got a few minutes to talk about it.

Pregnancy for me has been less than anything beautiful.

Do I feel guilty that I feel this way? Yes. Some women would call me selfish for saying this but I hate being pregnant. I know some women want more than anything in the world to be pregnant and I fully acknowledge this but for me it has been depressing.

I’ve tried to embrace it but pregnancy isn’t for me. Am I absolutely thrilled to be a mother, yes? But am I thrilled about the 9 months to get there? No.

Today my current thought is how ridiculously fat my face looks and how I don’t look pregnant but instead just like I’m getting extremely large. I don’t have the obnoxiously cute round preggo belly that I see so many other women with.

Pregnancy on other women is beautiful to me but when I look at myself I don’t feel the same.

I stepped on the scale last night and to my surprise I have already gained 20 pounds 😓. This immediately saddened me as my midwife told me 25-30 weight gain during pregnancy was ideal. I’m only 22 weeks with 18 more weeks to go. 

It upsets me because I really haven’t changed what I eat and I never eat that terribly. I workout everyday and I haven’t been craving any sort of sweets. I know they say every women’s weight gain differs but I feel so large 😔

Want to know some more extremely disgusting things that women won’t talk much about with their pregnancy?! Keep reading. If not I suggest you stop here if you don’t want to know!

1. Decreased sex drive. My first trimester I wanted nothing to do with the thought of any alone time with Daniel. I was so extremely fatigued from my day that all I dreamt of was when I could sleep again.

2. Hemorrhoids!!! Yeah, gross and I said it. I have never in my life experienced these until my first trimester. I was mortified as I Googled my symptoms and self diagnosed. The dreaded trip to the store to get hemorrhoid wipes and cream was not my greatest moment.

3. Breast changes. Omg. I had white dried stuff all over my nipples and little bumps all over my areolas. Of course I went to good ole Google for the rescue and read that these are Montgomery Bumps and a sign of a first pregnancy and then learned  about the significance of these bumps. 

4. Leakage down there. Ladies do your kegels and be aware that even though you’re not having periods, you still deal with problems down there 😳

5. Accepting the fact that normal activities for me now cause me to get winded and are way harder. I have always been a fast paced person that can’t sit still. Pregnancy has slowed me down and makes me feel less proficient with my tasks at work. I also feel completely huge in my uniform and struggle with the fact of getting the pregnancy version of my uniform. I can’t button my pants and my top just makes me look like I have a giant gut! 

6. Not feeling pretty in ANYTHING. Everything I put on I just feel huge in and it literally makes me want to cry.

7. Patience. I have zero now. I get very frustrated and irritable super easy and the smallest things get my fired up.

8. Back pain and tiredness. Always. It doesn’t go away. I can be sitting down and straight asleep within in minutes in the middle of the day.

9. Random itchy rashes and stretch marks on your belly and breasts. An increase in hormone levels really does a number on you and causes really uncomfortable symptoms. 

Now, I do love when I feel my baby girl kicking me and squirming around because it sincerely excites me to meet her but the rest of pregnancy has been less than exciting for me.

I really do think women’s bodies are made to do such powerful things and I caution you to please think before you say some idiotic thing to a pregnant lady because growing a baby is hard work!! Mentally and physically. 

Hope this blog doesn’t rub people the wrong way but I hope it also helps some women not feel alone when they struggle of not enjoying being pregnant.

👶🏼🎀🙊

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