Lately I have had some pretty crazy dreams and daydreams. I can’t get home out of mind. I miss the smell of home and the memories. I miss the comfort and familiarity. I used to want nothing more than to move far away from Ohio and never look back. Being removed almost a year and half from Springfield, Ohio, I have realized how much I miss that little town. I used to hate going home and knowing I would run into people I went to school with that were total assholes or hear about the criminal activities going on. But you know what, the thought of raising my children in places where we move every few years makes me sad. They will never find that comfort and be able to call one particular location “home.” I miss running the big loop from my parent’s house past my old high school, all the way to Derr Road and back. I miss having people that love me within driving distance. I hate missing the births/pregnancies/birthdays/funerals/ etc of all my friends and family.
When I went home last September, I was at ease. When the plane landed in Dayton, I was full of emotion. I knew I wouldn’t want to leave 10 days later.
I used to want nothing more than to be grown up. Honestly, my 20’s have been the most terrifying and confusing time in my life. I’m constantly missing someone or something. I’ve missed holidays now with family. I’m missing my best friend’s pregnancy. I miss shopping trips and lunch dates with my best friends that have known me my entire life. Though I am very thankful for the new friends in my life, I just miss home. This career path I have chosen has made me question a lot. I have seen myself in a different light and I can say I’m the most insecure I’ve ever been.
Prayers are much appreciated as I try to “figure out” what God’s special plan is for me and my little family.