Relationships in general are hard and take lots of work on both peoples part. Throw work in there and it makes it even harder. Work stresses you out, wears you down, and dictates your mood most days. With both Daniel and I in the military, we hardly ever see each other. Monday the alarm clock goes off around 0515 and we hit the snooze button a few times and then sluggishly roll out of bed and get ready to head to PT (physical training). Don’t get me wrong, I love working out but not always in a group where I have to be super motivated. PT is over at 0745-0800, I head home rush to shower, eat breakfast, and head back to work by 0915. Daniel gets done at 0730 from PT is back in to work by 0845. Lunch time is around noon and most days I try to rush home to let the pups out and play with them while I eat and Daniel works through lunch most days. I go back to work around 1300 and usually don’t leave work until around 1800 or later and usually beat Daniel home. He gets home around 1830-1900, we make dinner and go to bed and repeat again the following day. However, since I’ve been here in Hawaii we have spent more time apart than together. Last January Daniel left for 3 weeks for preranger, then again in February for a few weeks, then in April for two months, then in July for a month, I left in October for 2 weeks and he’s currently gone again.
Trying to plan the right time to start expanding our family is nearly impossible. Being a female in the army and pregnant is not an easy thing. I am taken out of the fight in a sense and am non deployable for that time. Now not to mention a plan for child care with both parents in the army. Our days aren’t just 9-5 and we are soldiers full time. However, when I think about being a civilian again and getting out completely that scares me too. I don’t think I can be one to not work. I want so badly to go back to school but if I stay in, the Army will pay for it but it will tac on years to my commitment. SO much to think about and a lot of commitment.
Sadly most days after work we both feel so brain dead that we literally just want to pass out. Working full time means that other things get less attention. Like our relationship, our dogs, housework, future planning, etc. I seriously die inside a little leaving my dogs in the morning. I feel so guilty.
People say I’m so lucky I live in Hawaii. Let me reassure it’s way different vacationing here VS working and living here. I don’t see the beach nearly enough, I can’t drive home to visit family and friends when I want, and the Army is crazy different here in Hawaii.
I know people have the same issues and I try to count my blessings more than my hardships. However, one day I hope to find that happy balance between living an enjoyable life!